| into a YAWNING chasm, my previous eight to nine months have disappeared. i feel LIKE YARN. in his blog post. almost exactly. but now, or at least two months ago... i got my life back. it was delivered abruptly... shoved back in a way. but ALWAYS waiting to happen. it is a life as free as i was in junior college and it is even.... something more.. and so i think its also safe to say that my eight to nine months have been super great.
okay, i feel jaws dropping everywhere. okay. do not shun me now, im not a brainwashed product of the army. im quite sure im my normal self. or maybe ive changed. hrm...
right after i commissioned, and endured the hellish initiation that my well-known 'hell battalion' provided.. in my subconscious was a voice saying ... and here we go again... maybe some background info... for those who know me, im a minimalist. and somewhat of a proud minimalist... so i guess the fact that i was going to do alot of extra work did not particularly evoke fond feelings in me...
but i guess right after i did commission i was filled with some sort of freedom some sort of liberation... and a desire to lead. (such a weird thing coming out of my mouth.. but yeah. weirdddddddddddddddddddddddd) and lastly, i think it was a desire to be proud again.
so i think its safe to say that i entered the battalion with these mixed mixed feelings.
as time went by and exercises piled up like MAD.. i think in the smokey ashes of those exercises i have found a group of friends in my battalion... people that did not go through ocs with me but somehow i could interact with them better than my own ocs mates. i found a tight tight department that is super tight (for a lack of a better word). all my friends are straightforward, funny and genuine. if they are going to stab you, it would be in the front and not the back. but it would be hard too. my own superiors were all like that. straightforward and blunt. and that was something i valued alot. and it was also probably why i really didnt enjoy ocs. they were just so many wayangs that i HAD to offend. and wayangs come in HERDS and there were too many people who just didnt like me for who i was. which could be quite bastardly. but i guess i more or less had to be who i was. it was SOM THIS SOH THAT. and to be honest... i was just totally switched off from that. i really wanted to do my time and move on. well...to be honest, i think im a bit different from the person i was in ocs. i sorta do things that are out of the way and i think i left myself sort of vulnerable to people. something i wasnt in ocs. i played my cards totally untactically and somehow i was rewarded.
i think ive learnt alot about myself in ocs. all the ugliest parts of me... ALL squeezed into nine months... and to honest, it was really bad. i was revolted with myself...but i think this period in my battalion showed me the good parts. or at least i hope. i sort of got my old self back. back from the gutters of ocs. i showed a certain flexibility when it came to rules. i wasnt afraid to fight back when i needed to. i wasnt afraid to throw myself into situations. maybe this is all because ns has no bearing on my life... i always tell my guys... being in ns, you are like a suicide bomber. do what you think is right no MATTER the consequences. and in a way, i totally was. and loving it. i think, ironically, i could totally be myself in army. and be the person that i wanted to be and not have any consequences.
the exercises that i went through all taught me something. i got to do ndp. which to be honest was HELLISH but extremely rewarding. i get to see the inner workings of how regulars organise and work due to my specific role which placed me on a higher estab. and i got to go overseas and go through a good time with my guys. so yeah.. i really think it went at smooth as it could have. i could find time... in the last two months to go out with friends whenever i wanted and STILL get the job done. so yea. im not sure about the rest of my peers but im doing quite okay... lol.
i remember asking greg recently ... does being a officer make you a leader. he told me, no it doesnt. i agreed with him. i asked him.. am I a leader? he said no. you are a manager. the army made you so. you have no overarching vision that will move people to follow you. and i think to myself.. ive never been the leader type. always been the anti-leader in a way... but i do enjoy this role as a pseudo-leader/manager.
and despite how much i begrudge the ocs experience, i dont think i would have wanted it any other way. i think being an officer is great. you feel like you can DO something, and in a way, you do. you feel in a way, proud. i think a proud minimalist is an accurate description of me. i WANT my work to be up to mark but i dont want to do more than i should. and i think people appreciate that in my battalion and i guess appreciate that i do put in effort. i guess for me, pride is the sole thing that makes me tick. i want to be a good officer because i can feel proud of myself. i want my superiors to think... hey. hes good. i want my friends to think im a good friend to have..i want my men to be proud so they can be proud of themselves
and maybe... a little proud of me. | comments: Leave a comment   |
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a great deal has happened since the last time ive blogged.. i decided to get up from my ass and apply for at least ONE university, got my hard earned pair of black kitkat bars, ive read more books... some which have touched me. ive watched i think countless of movies..some bad some good some uplifting... ive turned 20.. sounds old. i know.. thought more than ive thought in my life... and stayed still.
as compared to my old school life. im like riding on a tortoise. time passes and nothing happens.. sometimes i forget what i did the previous week. everythings just lost in the flurry of utilising time. i used to value my weekends like mad in ocs and bmt. they were what drove me on. id pick what i do and JAMPACK them with things to do, people to meet. ive forgotten those weekends in my hurry to not "waste time"... but i guess there was no other way huh.. so yeah. for those in the army now. grit your teeth, the worst will be over. soon. or not. hahahha.
well about a year and a month has passed since i entered the army.. used to think how i'd get through every single day. but i dont now, i go through each day with a semblance of purpose. of importance. the army has taught me one thing about myself... i cannot be aimless. i cannot have no goal... some people might think army is quite the waste of time... i dont know that for sure because ive found an aim at least. to be a decent commander and a decent friend. i guess when you can affect someone's life.. your own actions and your conduct...well they become much more important. i think i will stay the same as i was.. all these years, the same me. and of course, lose the selfishness. lose the self-importance. and keep my confidence. keep the humour. no matter how retarded it can get...(: and keep the faith, in this year of transitions, that i am meant for something great. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| and SO! it is FINALLY FINALLY OVER. a hurdle has been crossed..a sea quelled... a mountain trekked...etc etc etc! FINALLY! im sure everyone must know so i should not mention in case of it being like..top secret or something... but i dont think so but ANYWAY. FINALLY.
i think one of the best rewards is that i'll never have to march again.. utility of that is super high. and the fact that you can do things at your own pace EVEN if theres a hell lot of shit to do..
heard i was going to a not so friendly place.. but what the heck man. DEAL! it cant be that bad.
WELL in more interesting news... im going to japan! osaka nagoya and kyoto from the 18th to 22nd so yeahhh. that is ONE trip i am looking forward to man. been like a year since ive gone ANYWHERE. i remember staring at the sky in tekong emoly seeing planes fly by in the earlier parts of the year. and id think to myself... when can i be there..when can i spread my wings and fly awayyyy from this island of an island....well.. FINALLY... that would be me flying over head biatchhhessss!mwahahahha
okay.gloating a bit too much. :X have comms ball in a days time and ill be CHIONGING off to japan that very same night. such exciting stuff.. we're having it at the one degree fifteen in sentosa but i have no idea how to get there or even what it is! but well... in time to come i will knowwww...
been reading quite a lot of books as well..just finished zadie smith on beauty, sputnik sweetheart haruki murakami(that was long ago), milan kundera lightness of being (longER ago)... and have bought myself like a NEW list of books XD..the previous one cost me about 115 from borders.. but i bought like 8 books so -shrug-
south of the border, west of the sun by haruki murakami(for the sake of having one.. but gave it to jack anyway -.-)
american gods by neil gaiman
sputnik sweetheart by haruki murakami
on beauty by zadie smith
the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera
the catcher in the rye by j salinger
why do androids dream of electric sheep by phillip k dick
lolita by vladmir nabokov
but anyway.. i spent about 96 at kino(20 percent!) and i bought
on the road by jack kerouac
the joke by milan kundera
one day in the life of ivan denisovich by aleksandr solzhenitsyn
the man in the high castle by philip k dick
money by martin amis
brave new world by a huxley (for the sake of having a copy)
SO YEAH. heres to reading ALOT. i actually really liked on beauty. i guess its a LITTLE chick lit-ty.. but i think it has a great dose of humanity as well as meaning. good combi of both. BUT WELL. couldnt really find zadie smith's books in kino.. bleah
in any case! ive been writing. very very little. perhaps some major editting of a single poem --> here!
so yeahhhhhhhhhh probably need to start writing MORE and actually GOING for some nac workshops.. i bloody hell got confined for LOCKING MYSELF OUT OF MY ROOM. yeah. stupid. but also... AMAZINGLY true. and THEREFORE missed a workshop.. which i ALSO dreamt i was going to miss the workshop the NIGHT before. so yeah. when it REALLY happened it was damn surreal....a series of weird events.
BUT ANYWAY! off to meet yarn..
TILL LATER!
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| ive tried blogging twice. but kinda didnt manage to blog. anyway, i dunno. i have lost some heart in blogging. seems like no one is blogging. no one is around. sort of. even on facebook. all kinda disappeared into their corners of the world. (literally and metaphorically, of course). but well! i will SURGE ON in this GLORIOUS BATTLE AGAINST SILENCE! right. pen-mightier-than-sword-ya-da-ya-da-ya-da-ya-da.
but in ANY CASE, THIS week was a much better week. i was down with some HORRIFIC stomach flu that seriously made the toilet like some... i dunno. temple. to me. i relieved my bowels like 5 times a day. lol. i am a devout toiletian or toiletist or whatever. and it was like uber lame because everytime i go there... i give so little. i sometimes blame myself... why cant i give MORE to the toilet god. i am UNFAIR towards him. he was BLESSED ME THIS HORRIFIC STOMACH FLU and YET. i cannot GIVE. well. well, for those out there who think im full of excretement... YOU ARE WRONG! i am full of unwanted GAS. yes, you GUESSED IT! i am FULL OF HOT AIR!
but in any case... i felt unwell for the LONGEST time and only recently have i gone back to my wanton atheist ways. SO yay me! all the junk food (:(:...
oh yes, i have ALSO completed my three extras. so thank GOD for that. really really. but it was quite a good experience. a great deal of reflection time man. did quite alot of good. so yeah! sometimes i think... like what the hell man. enough reflection. time to DO some shit. but not now yeah. now im still a lowly one. well... my time will come... my time will come...
ANYWHOOOO, i bought a BAG! ha! i sorta went out with the intention of shopping or something. was meeting vince but then had some spare time so went to like lido and looked around. and to my great surprise found calvin klein was having some renovation sale. and they had this white and black bag that looked SWEET. so i checked out the price... 499 original price! ARGHHHHHHH. my heart shattered........ but was sucked back into place whennnnn i saw AFTER DISCOUNT 100 DOLLARS!!!! YES. JACKPOT BRUDDERS!!!!! so yeah. quite happy with that. its kinda like a tote. so people say stuff like.. ew. thats gay. but like whatever mannnn KAI XIN JIU HAO. my crumpler is like rotting so yeah.
in other news... i am on to american gods! so yeah. new book. looking quite okay now.. but getting draggy. too long maybe. shrug. not done with it yet but yeah... milan kundera's book was also rather good. it changed some opinions of mine. and thats all that matters i guess. so yeah. good book.
ALSO GOOD LUCK TO ALL MY JUNIORS FOR A'S! YOU GUYS CAN DO IT. i mean seriously. you guys worked hard for it. so yeah. just do your best. and if you HAVENT... well... pray to god. (trust me, it works sometimes.(: ).. all right! good luck meimei! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| been reading.. quite a bit. a LARGE assortment of books that i got from borders after a 30 percent discount.. the catcher in the rye was not as groundbreaking as i thought.in fact, the ending was damn anti-climatic. shrug. do androids dream of electric sheep? was okay i guess.. but i think the androids-are-they-REALLY-human?!-thingus was just kinda overplayed. lolita was like a MOTHER OF A BOOK.. the book actually opened my mind to alot of new ideas actually.. non perverted ones though -.-... but the use of an "unreliable narrator" or a narrator that moulds hard facts into a story that are more palatable intrigued me. of course this would not have been possible if he didnt admit all his wrongdoings and his wishywashymeanderingbullcrap at the end of the book. come to think of it.. IM full of wishwashymeanderingbullcrap. lol. that should be my middle name! or something...but i think ive grown LESS of that.. in the year... i think.(:
ANYWAY, i have started a SMALL magic draft enclave in my platoon! HAHAH as a result ive played 3 drafts in a SINGULAR week. mwahahahah. but what to do.. need to kill time siaz.. and monopoly was getting SERIOUSLY too boring. as well as risk.:X. next week, a friend is bringing WEIQI! and i can be reaccustomed with my favourite game.(: so yeah.. meeting greg next week for the ENTIRE week.. and he'll be TEACHING ME LESSONS.. so yeah THAT'LL be SOME experience huh! (: so all in all ALL IS LOOKING WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!
except the fact that i'm doing two consec guard duties on a weekend.
but you know... C'EST LA VIE!!!! THIS IS LIFE!!! and LIFE IS TOUGH. yeah.. still remembered this forum shit i created in sec 1 called LiFe Is ToUgH..its so TOTALLY lame looking back on hindsight.. but also.. TOTALLY....
true.
in any case, my white-bar days are whittling to an end... so wish me luck!(:
ANYWAY back to books,
reading this book called "the unbearable lightness of being" by milan kundera. im only halfway through but it looks as though its potentially groundbreaking.. he writes in a half expo half narrative style... which unlike many other fiction books make me FEEL as though im learning something.. which i am! looks cheem at first but makes alot of solid sense. or at least philosophical sense. what would life be without burdens?
yeah. the unbearable lightness of being.
thats me manz lol. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| people are leaving. and when this happens.. final confirmations are needed. these confirmations of friendship. that they will always be there.. that no matter how one's character changes, the so called "core" of someone remains. trust must be placed that both of you will still be able to talk when you have nothing else in common. trust must be established that although context is gone, history wont. and ultimately, that you will be still you and the memory of your old friend will not die. that the old friend will not die into oblivion. because death doesnt cause you to lose a friend, change does.
in any case, i realise the reason i looked forward so much to book out was because i couldnt find meaning in what i was doing. in the army. i still dont. but this week, i believe i have gained some meaning in my role in the army. and thankfully, i've gained meaning from the people in my platoon. i am not particularly bummed that i got 3 extra because it will be spent in the company of friends.
i realised the reason for the emptiness of the past few months was a result of the lack of meaning. sounds obvious. but for me... i thought my "meaning" was in spending time with my family and friends.. and yes, that IS part of the meaning.. but i realised i had spent a majority of my time LACKING this meaning. 5 days a week. and though i thought i could ignore it.. i realise i cant. i need to engage.
kevin said that i could go on autopilot and still do okay. 'its your defence mechanism when i dont care'. i realise how true that is.. but you cant go through your life on autopilot... just like adam sandler in click.. you end up missing all the important things.. sadness, sorrow, regret. and you come out of it as though you havent lived anything.perhaps thats why i really liked click... despite what others thought.
the late night talk after the ld exco met in vivo with jack and fish just made me realise how mcuh i missed the conversation. the intellectual battles on logic and emotion. of people and concepts. made me feel alive again...so yeah. thanks guys.
this weekend has been eventful. the most eventful yet. oh yeah, goodbye amanda! may you remember all the turbulent times we had together... goodbye karen! even though i havent met you in a while.. and you kinda disappeared... all the best to you! my lit wing head! and lastly, thanks tam. for everything.
lol. what a emo post. lol. OH WELL, i guess i can afford it sometimes. :X | | comments: 13 comments or Leave a comment |
| alright. here i am. the next week. MY LIFE has gotten KINDA just KINDA boring... WELLL. suffice to say that i am often constrained as to what to blog because you know.. well... big brother is watching... mwahhahahahahaha. mwahahhaah. mwahahhaha. right. well THIS week on the other hand was quite FAR from uneventful. had cadet mess opening yesterday and boy did people get a LITTLE crazy. but all in all i think signals has a great many fun people to say the least. and at least my pc or the equivalent is a person i can really respect. and that SERIOUSLY is the most important thing.
i always tell other people.... and myself too.. its ALWAYS okay to get screwed. (in the army way of course..... yeah. and in other ways too :X.. BUT ANYWAY.) as i was saying... its always okay to get screwed. i mean... everyone screws up once in a while. just gotta take it and suck your twiddly thumb.. but it ONLY gets screwed up when youre screwed by a screwed up commander. now THATS screwed up. because on so many levels there are resentment... and it just compounds and compounds. i dunno about you people but at many levels i am completely turned off about army because of this scenario. in the real world.. you can shout back. do something.. but if you do here. get ready for the lonnnggg weekend.
part of the reason why i have blogged here less and less is because..
1) i have no time in the army
2) its illegal to
3) my life is dead boring and those interesting parts are confidential
4) im lazy
5) im lazy
6) im lazy
7) ive become a boring person
IVE BECOME A BORING PERSON. YES. THATS ME. HEE ZHENGXUN IS OFFICIALLY BORING. what happened to the good ol' days of the swashbuckling HEERO! HUH HUH HUHHHH. of cake smashing and "continuous modes" of niaoing. of soccer and lots of slacking.(well.. actually that hasnt changed but for the sake of building momentum i shall skim over that fact). of singing songs and writing weird stuff! i gotta RAGE RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT! DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT DARK BORING NIGHT MY FRIEND!
alright i will resolve to be interesting now!
INTERESTING!
okayokay ciaociaobb | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| well... its been a LONG LONG hiatus. but yeah. i'm not updating as often as i should be... but well! not many people read my blog... RIGHT? lol. in any case.. have decided that i will post some of my stuff online.
a day begins
when we are pulled taut with duty, stretched,
over the frame of a rudely awakened silence,
the yelping line backslings its own picture of
a blood night sky on a white, incorruptible land.
the bugle drags a tight lullaby
and we nod in agreement
with the methodic obedience of
a clockwork lion and a bored rifle.
but at the fire of a vomit of words,
we are shot by the stiffness of an
iron orchid and the back-straining
arch of merlion water.
tucking our arms into a blanket of
attention, we cage our fists on our
chests.
gripping our sweaty hearts in place,
fearing, that in the end,
we will not be strong enough.
--------------------------------------------
singaporean temple
as we enter our time-stained temples of
bucket red and scotchbrite green,
two lions starched in place
with grey suits and spotless stares
greet us with great dirty roars,
roars washed behind stainless steel balls,
just waiting to drown.
breathing in, we submerge
in the sponge-like smoke of
musky prayers once plastered on palimpsest palms
weathered with hope.
soaked in the ash of dreams, they are
kept in by plastic roofs and
kept away from the gods by thirsty ventillators that
suck them dry.
we start to hear stark symmetrical knocks,
knocks that fold our muddy murmurs into
soundless shelves, like prayer tablets
behind gleaming glass panels.
and as we stand before our dusty fathers,
we absorb into that window of time -
our colours fade with reflection, our faces grow fuzzy with clarity, our eyes smudge with sunlight -
but we remain firmly on this side
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
weaving
crash right into a
fullstop, slip left into your
infinity. take
a wrench to turn a
whirlpool and make it suck in
your mind, let it come
out the other side.
eat your paper and down it
with a mug of ink,
do it without a
think. make the feeling sink. then
vomit out the words,
letter by letter
crouching forward, feeling quite
murdered. hatch a graphite
dragon in a soft
erased time with your plastic
wand. then slay it with
a common kitchen
knife and watch its wordless mouth
droop. squeeze some brain to
playdoh mountains and
grind your waxed mind into
a crayola sky
then turn back to the
panels of now with your old
rubrik brain. but
remember to warm
the minds of the vacuum-cold
constellation of
hearts. connect the dots
then connect the dots -
---------------------------------------------------------------
well... thats all for today.. another bumper edition will happen next week? or sometime.. after a few months. LOL. anyway.. enjoy and if you got any comments. well yeah. i'd be glad for some feedback. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| jotting down a memory.
walking out of camp at 5am. walking down the path, half-awake and alone. if collide played now it would be so apt, i remember thinking at that time. the streets are quiet and the people are still waking from their escapes. i call them escapes 'cause thats what they are. i had an escape too, it was to taiwan where i lived in hotels and went out with friends who didn't have faces. i didn't know who they were, but my mind recognised them as friends. i am on the borders of the night's escape and this morning's, except this morning's one is real. the dawn is breaking, i hummed. a light shining through.
i walk all the way to the mrt. everything is dead quiet and i cannot hear any cars rumbling towards me. nothing moves except the traffic lights that blink their eyes at me with different colours. i realise this is the first time i've had alone time for as long as i can remember. i dont remember keeping quiet for so long. i dont remember travelling alone. i dont remember thinking. well.. yeah. thats who i am right? i dont think... much. but i dont even remember thinking mundane thoughts. i play the way i am on my ipod. it cheers me up. i love the way you say good morning, my ipod sings.
i walk past lot1. brings alot of memories, that place. its totally dark and therefore looks totally weird. reminds me of a christmas tree without decorations. it just looks weird. period. i decide that the way i am is annoying me. i change the song. across the universe by rufus wainwright. i like that song. especially the opening chords. i remember thinking, so this is emo-ing right? nothing's gonna change my world. nothing's gonna change my world.
well.. that's enough of that then.
i slip into a mrt and i'm on my way home. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| all in all, one hell of an experience. something i would do ONCE. but more or less... never again.. lol. i'm sure thats what most people will say about it. being especially vague about this so yeah. learnt quite a bit about myself. the bad parts and the good parts. such a knowledge helps i guess. to mould a better hee. lol.
and so, a new beginning. honestly, it feels like jc in here. but i'm not really complaining. at least i get to use a bit of brain power. have more time for myself... writing a bit more.. but still not enough. i have been a VERY bad MAP mentee. havent been attending anything... well.. cant exactly blame me but you can as well :X
a14 gathering was KINDA lame for me.. but it was good seeing people. i went there like 2 hours late.. so yeah. FAMILIAL obligations once again. what can i say, hee is a family man. (:
humans chalet was kinda surreal... went like this...
Hee played poker (3 games)
Hee plays one game of Bang!
Hee falls asleep until the next morning.... -.-
kinda retarded since they did alot of stuff while i was asleep. sigh. oh well.. my energy is sappped. but it was good to see the humans people again. a step away from the usual fare of army people.
need a break. still not getting any. the longer stretch is over, now for the shorter one. hrmmmm.
realise ive become a bit more serious. or less rubbish. not sure whether thats taking a right step in the right direction.
guess i'll lighten up a bit... so heres a joke!
joke of the day: Hee is an Outstanding Student. | | comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment |
| so many things have happened in the last, what, last month? i took up a police scholarship.(dont laugh.. im WARNING YOU), had this totally surreal 3 weeks with jack, made friends, i dunno.. such a multitude and myriad of events just happening all at once. didnt really have the time to write down much thoughts. but yeah. alots been happening.
i guess, with a number of events, i got to understand myself much more... for better or worse. sometimes i get disgusted at myself and sometimes i impress myself. but i think what army does is to allow for a greater elucidation and refinement in terms of character.think of it as a... 2 years character modification programme. you get to know yourself. what youre capable of and what youre not... and you see yourself react under pressure.
in other news, i've been buying graphic novels every week. its like a guilty pleasure. lol. every week i step into a book shop and buy one and devour it in about.. 1 to 2 hours. dont knwo why im saying this too.. but ill probably have a collection of them by the end of the year.
sigh. things are changing. theyre leaping forwards. i think i need a break. like really. and these three days were supposedly my break. so yeah. its over. i dont think im exaggerating when i say i think ive been sprinting like mad. time too. before i know it six months have passed. what can lie ahead of me? even my weekends just SPRINT. im more tired on weekends than normal. every moment is not wasted. every moment i must be doing something. every moment i must meet up. every moment. every moment. hahaha.. thats my mentality during book out. its kinda crazed man. lol. but what to do? time ticks on you. tick tick tick tick.
sometimes i feel like a porsche on singaporean streets. i hope you get what i mean.. but yeah. im kinda stuck. confined. although i havent ACTUALLY been confined before. but SO dont want to jinx that.
i feel like a stranger in my own house. its like my room doesnt really feel like my room. the books and computer are like "whos this dude man. and whats up with the ugly hair?". the bed just feels stiff. no one really sleeps in it.
but well. at least its up from here. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| recently went for a moe scholarship interview... it went pretty well.. i guess.
and i'm waiting for its reply now. but it kinda got me thinking... me? teacher? wow. thats a long shot.. like really. i guess what mr low told me in secondary 2 really got me thinking...he said id make a good teacher. and i was like. you are KIDDING ME. i am like the anti-thesis of a good, refined teacher. i am IN FACT a very bad student. i talk in class, i slack in class... i play magic at the back of the lt with jack. and other misdeeds.. far too great for me to write down. i think of myself as... the one who cant stay within limits, who dares to challenge, dares to fly.. and i dont know.. does that make me unable to teach?
i come from a long "heritage" of teachers.. my grandfather was a principal, my grandmother a chinese teacher. my second aunt is a maths teacher, my uncle a principal. my mother is a music and maths teacher and my third aunt is a music teacher. even my DAD is doing something related to education. so yeah. teachers galore. but you gotta really love the job... and i think teaching is about affecting people. its about lifting people higher. i might not be the nurturing type.. but perhaps i can affect in my own way? i dont know...
time will ultimately tell... and if i do manage to get it... karen lee will espouse..
"IS THE KEVIN CHENG PROPHECY OF HEE ZHENGXUN COMING TRUE?!??!?!?" | | comments: 12 comments or Leave a comment |
| hmm...suffice to say i am not dead. this blog has been well.. left inert for a few reasons. but well.. in the space of time between this blog and the last i have lost myself, found myself. i have been rather miserable and picked myself up. i have ridden on my saturdays and flown on my sundays. i have... swept up time basically.
time passes. in my time i think... like an arrow. GUANG YING SI JIAN SHUI YUE RU SUAN! but it does. i find myself forgetting, moving on, loving things.. people, holding on... all in the space of two days. i feel like im on some fast -track of life.
im holding on. keeping it real.
dont worry..
im holding on. keeping it real. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| and so. just back from bangkok.. the land of a thousand smiles and kai-xin-ren. a.k.a happy people.. but SERIOUSLY. they were EVERYWHERE. i think at least 50 percent?! but whatever.. got some shopping done! went to koh samet! and in general.. the trip was b-e-a-utiful. lol. bought like some zara cardi for like 27 sing cos zara was on sale! for like a few days. and massimo dutti stuff. which was.. unusual for me but the prices were quite reasonable. so well. (:..the mandatory distressed tees which were cool! and... che shirts! and commie shirts! lolll. alot of clothings in general... but besides shopping had time for late night talk cocks and wandering around night markets! lol. koh samet was like BETTER! although the hotel was crap... went scootering around in our bikes and slacking on the beach and eating and snorkelling and shit. it was really rather.. happening. lol. ALSO met up with little miss sunshine and it was really quite fun! haha. eventful/fruitful whatever. didnt have to brood too mcuh but probably learnt a bit more about myself. hrmmm i guess these two years have been kinda unnatural for me.. and i cant say i am completely comfortable.. sometimes i dont act myself? even if i am myself? perhaps the "definitions" of myself change? who knows. people say i dont but i feel myself placing facades in front of me. i feel it..but i dont do it. but you know what.. i guess its alright.. to those who tried or to those where theres fate.. i think i have let them in. i think a reoccurence of phrase throughout the trip was "dont give a flying fuck" mostly used ON me. and honestly. it got me thinking a bit hahaha.. wowww hee thinks! rare occurence indeed!!.. and i realised.. that i probably care too little and too late. should start now huh. havent been thinking much these two years... two years where i really should have thought about things.. but ultimately... take life as it is at this stage and just try to become a better person i guess.
really looking forward to army.. weird to say this.. but im really hating complications. im really hating all the bullshit that accompanies it. and at least in army.. its uncomplicated.. and i can be myself. so in a way.. i am.. looking forward to it.
as weird as it seems. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| recently been writing a poem.. cant seem to do anything about it.. its quite bewildering.. but well. maybe its a poem that finally has real significance to me. haha... i usually screw those up. the ones that dont involve me tend to be better.. less soppy. (not that i am actually..)whatever. detached? we'll see.. maybe going to bangkok will help me finish it. hrm.
oh yeah.. going off to bangkok from 14th - 23rd.. so if you have anything NICE to say! or anything.. feel free to drop a message haha. (: ill respond if i can! really. REALLY. okay! deal? deal.
recently been spamming "leave the pieces" by the wreckers.. which is basically michelle branch. quite nice. and "love you lately" by daniel powter... who is.. not a one hit wonder now! lol...
okay shit. realise i have nothing much to say anymore.. days pass in a whirl of friends.. and perhaps thats how i really want them to pass.
goodbye then. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| hmmmm... so im back from bukit tinggi. slipped away quietly and slipped back as quietly. i guess i havent really felt the impact of like... the post-prom blues.. just looked through photos of me on facebook and i am hit by the fact that i always guai lan lol. (or am DAMNNNN goodlooking). but some are nice lah. oh wellzzz. for those who dont know, i bought my stuff like... all on the day ITSELF. so yeah. THAT was cool. :X... but that aside... i guess this is it.. prom has ended. we are REALLY going our separate ways. i know i will lose some friends and ill keep some friends.. but sometimes you dont want to lose any. but i guess thats the way things work or turn out... and if fate would have it.. you will become friends in the future. hrmmm.
looking back on the year... it was rather terrible but also rather great. i cant really make anything out of it... therefore i should leave it as it is. it was a year in the company of friends... and therefore.. a good year. and i hope it will not fade with the coming years... yup. sigh.
ANYWAY. i agree tohkeyboon! we should have taken another pic. the only one with the two of us.. you were ATTEMPTING TO KISS ME. -.- so yeahhh... f... but at least got...2 more decent ones. lolz. and im quite buggered that i didnt take with xuyinghui. oh wellz. BUT IN ANY CASE! this is an OPEN PLEA! if you have photos from prom (with me in it) PLEASE send! cos i didnt have a camera. yupyup. kthnx!!
haiiiiiiiiz hrm maybe i should talk about the trip to bukit tinggi hahaha. the first two days were used up shopping... i bought like AX jeans and a nice sweater for like 200 sing altogether. lol original price was like... 500? besides... i need the jeans. oh well. (but now i have a pair of SKINNYS from prom) and ermmm what else. oh yeah. on the third day... we were supposed to go to lake chini in the middle of pahang... and i kinda led us to the wrong way adn we ended up in KAMPONG BELIMBING. but it wasnt my fault cos the sign pointed the direction... apparently... we had to take a boat from kampong belimbing to lake chini... so.. we had to cancel. so where we are is like... in the middle of pahang.. having come from... near kuala lumpur. so then my grandad decides to go to KUANTAN. and we are like... ermmm. OKAY. and we GO. my mother then suggests CHERATING BEACH. and we are like... ermmm.. OKAY. and we GO. and before we know it... we almost travelled three states in a DAY! cherating being damn close to trengganu. we then walked onto cherating beach... enjoying the breeze... after all... it had taken nearly.. 7 hours of driving to get from Bukit Tinggi(west) to Cherating(East)... then. we went back. -.- (although we stopped at Chempedek to eat seafood) so YEAH. ridiculous as it sounds... it was actually quite fun! so yeah. :X fruitful trip to malaysia with my family! lolz.
before i end the post, would just like to shoutout to o1, 76, brotherhood and a14 for being the best people to hang out with for the year! (: will REALLY never forget you guys and i hope you guys will stay in my life for a little longer... and perhaps... just perhaps....
some of my coolness will rub off onto you.
;) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| the alevels have ended. taking sats tmrw at ajc. just needed to say that i guess... to announce... to myself.
even after tmrw... i still dont think i can truly relax. expectation... like additional bones... have added to the overall weight on my body. but even then, i have probably found time to watch a number of movies. hahah hero and erm... i rewatched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. well... all i can say is that its a beautiful movie. hahah i actually LIKE jim carrey's serious shows.. truman show, eternal sunshine.. hes not that bad an actor... i actually dont really like his comedy. lol. but i guess the show has staying power... it asks a pertinent question, would you remember if you could? would you erase someone even if he or she gave or gives you great pain? do you have the strength of heart to do it OR not do it?
but i guess that question is kind of irrelevant to me..i wouldnt no matter what. for a few reasons i would suppose... no.1, you would lose out on a memory (things that i hoard for.. no particular reason) no.2, no one deserves that... for lovers... he/she doesnt deserve to be the only one who remembers... for an enemy... he doesnt deserve to be forgotten for his deeds.
haha okay just random musings. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| a is for apple
b is for bear
c is for children who hardly care | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 
Back in the nefarious chamber in the Throne Room... the Emperor hatches a nefarious plan with his nefarious associates. "Nefarious, malevolent, complex, clinical, my most unassuming, respected, glorious liege!" exclaims the nefarious Darth Vader.
But when Darth Vader looked away... the nefarious Emperor struck him down!! "DIE, you pretentious linguist!"
Unknown to them... the rebel forces had sneaked in into the Death Star under the cover of pitch black darkness.
"Great... time to start our top-secret-totally-surprise-therefore-damn-sly ATTACK! HAHAHAH! they will never find us!!!" said, First Lieutenant Gregory Leong (all names are strictly incidental, any resemblance is completely unintentional and accidental)
"YEAHHHH DUUUDEEE.." said, Private Tay Haoran. (read above)
BUT JUST THEN....
"Damn. Someone switched on the lights" Private Tay accurately observed.
BUT NOT TO WORRY! reinforcements have arrived in Paratroopers Seng Che Hao and Vincent Lee! With their extreme dexterity and limited mass, they were able to penetrate enemy lines!
But as the Rebel forces fought valiantly... the real monster was to arrive....
KEVINCHENGOSAURUS!!
"ARGHHHH!!!!" yelled both Imperial and Rebel forces. Kevinchengosaurus was known for his lizardlike appearance, inflated ego, weird hairstyle and large mass. WHICH... although seemingly harmless... WAS A POTENT COMBINATION!
TO BE CONTINUED | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| So...
UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) is a specialized agency of the United Nations established in 1945. Its stated purpose is to contribute to peace and security by promoting international collaboration through education, science, and culture in order to further universal respect for justice, the rule of law, and the human rights and fundamental freedoms proclaimed in the UN Charter.[1] It is the heir of the League of Nations' International Commission on Intellectual Cooperation.
WOW. now i know whats unesco. COOOOOOL.
seriously.
WHAT. THE. F.U.K.K.K.K.K!??!?!
i cant BELIEVE I just answered a question i had ZERO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE TO. THANKS cambridge. of ALL THE PEACEKEEPING that was the MAJOR PART OF UN. you ask me about UNESCO. not only that. UNESCO EDUCATION?!?!??! like WTHh!>>!>!> even WIKI only mentions education ONCE. wow. as xiao said, i coudl have NOT come to school for the entire of this year's history and done the paper. seeing that i skip all of docherty. wow. really. wow.
however... funnily... i think that was the best source based i ever did in my life. hrmmmmm. HAHAHHAHA. study less learn more!
in OTHER NEWS!!! ITS THE END OF REALLL A LEVELSSS!!!!!! (sorry all science kias) YESSSSSSSSSSS. hahha went to watch BEOWULF. which was. FRICKING COOL. seriously FRICKING COOL. but reallllllyyyy not. effects were imba.
OKAY im gonna MUG NOW!
mug starcraft!!! :X:X:X:X:X | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
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